Live with Courage

Thank you to everyone that attended and contributed to Kev’s celebration of life – it was wonderful. Thanks again to everyone for all their help, love & support these last couple months. It has truly made our lives so much easier to bear.  We know death is a natural part of life, but it makes it no easier to accept.  Kev lived life to the fullest – be it at work or play and he lives on in the memories of all he touched.  For Kev and the other 560,000 Americans who will die from cancer this year - Live with a purpose, enthusiasm and courage. 

Ken Leiden (college & climbing buddy of Kev) wrote of a great summary Kev's memorial for those unable to attend:

On Thu, Oct 30, about 200 folks from all phases of Kevin’s life came together at Lakewood Yacht Club in Seabrook, Texas to celebrate Kevin.  And it really was a celebration – the atmosphere in the yacht club ballroom was more akin to a wedding reception than a memorial service.  Shelly and I arrived in Houston around 2 pm and made it to the yacht club by 4:30 pm.  In the lobby area, there was a large (I’m talking 5 ft wide) photo of Kevin with the NASA and Boeing crew as astronaut Scott Parazynski presented Kevin with a special award for saving a solar array on the International Space Station.  The celebration started at 5 pm, but there were already lots of people there including Kevin’s parents Frank and Claudette, his two brothers Darrell and Tom, his sisters Pam and Sue, and Deneen’s sisters Christina and Michelle and her brother Cale,  and Phil Girard.  More people began arriving and there were lots of introductions.  By far the largest contingent was the NASA/Boeing crowd.  They were pretty easy to pick out since they look exactly like you’d expect NASA engineers to look.  Don, Tad, Sam, and Mike showed up from their “no time to spare” 4 pm flight.  

A beautiful buffet dinner was served with folks sitting in large round tables of 10.  After dinner, Darrell, as the master of ceremony, got the events of the evening underway.  First off was musi by student’s from the Clear Lake High Schoo's Wind Ensemble band.  This was followed by a presentation by members of the youth sailing team (Chase, Eric & Madeline), where a memorial brick, to be laid into the ballroom walkway, was presented.  Next, Darrell said it was time for the slideshow, which Deneen and I had spent a lot of time putting together over the previous week.  Thanks to contributions from Sam, Don, and Kirk, we had 300 slides.  Of course, although I had fully tested everything prior to this, the projector put itself in some weird mode and I couldn’t get it to wake up.  With the help of many NASA engineers, we ended up following NASA protocol and doing a full power-down.  In the mean time, Darrell suggested we move on to more music.  This time it was a small band, friends of Kevin’s, Carter & Paul and Kala (Kelden & Nick's music teacher) who played "Southern Cross", "The Prayer", "Knockin on Heavens Door" (custom lyrics by Carter) and "I hope You Dance".  One of the funnier quotes of the evening came from Nick and Kelden’s music teacher when she was recounting how Nick (in 2nd grade) would cry when she was correcting his behavior.  She consulted with a colleague about Nick’s crying and the colleague said that “you never know what kind of family these children come from.”

When the band was finished, we started a 20 min slideshow, which had photos from Kevin’s 45 years of adventures in life.  There was a heavy climbing bias mainly because Deneen & Kev lost a bunch of great photos to Hurricane Ike, but the NASA/Boeing crew got to see a side of Kev that they really didn’t know much about. The slideshow was accompanied by a music playlist that Shelly and I put together Wed night based on a tape Kevin made for me in 1988 when Shelly and I started our round-the-world trip.   Amazingly, I found this tape in my Explorer earlier in the week.

After the slideshow, a list of speakers was lined up that included Phil, Sam, myself (Ken), and a handful of folks from NASA/Boeing - Fern, Bob, Kauser, Mario, David & Chris. Phil’s tribute was the highlight for me – he really got to the essence of Kevin.   A lot of people only saw one or two facets of Kev’s life, but I think Phil saw the whole package as much as anyone (Deneen too of course).  I then gave a short recount of the “infinite tension” story in which we hung off the Dewey bridge near Moab, Utah in our climbing harnesses and Swill thought the steel cable was going to break because of infinite tension.  Kev set him straight though.  Sam’s tribute to Kevin focused on the traits that Kev exemplified on the various Yosemite multi-day wall climbs including his easy going and never complaining attitude.  The Boeing/NASA folks talked about how Kev was a mentor to many and how he just got things done.  One guy talked about how did all this modeling and simulation to prove a design and Kev told him “it just didn’t look right”.  They also talked about some of his high-profile successes such as the solar array.  Lots of funny quotes that I have already forgotten so if you all remember please respond back and share with everyone.  The chief engineer for the ISS gave a motivating tribute about why the work that Kevin did was so important.  He then presented to Deneen the flag that flew over NASA the day after Kevin died.  Also, I forgot to mention that Deneen’s sister Michelle snuck in between a couple of the Boeing/NASA folks, speaking with raw emotion about her love for Kevin, doing a great job of getting the tears to flow in the crowd. Kevin’s father, who had not planned on talking, was so moved by these toasts and tributes, that he got up and shared some of his own stories.  He also said that he never expected to learn so much from one of his own children.  

A while after the formal part of the celebration had ended, things began to wind down in the ballroom.  A smaller crowed that included close friends of Kev & Deneen and out of town guests went over to Deneen’s for dessert.  I had a chance to talk with the Boeing/NASA crowd and this indeed is a great bunch of people.  The things they have done for Kev & Deneen during the past year with regard to both Kevin’s health (e.g., building the wheel-chair ramp, meals for the family) and cleaning up their house after Hurricane Ike devastation are truly the most generous and giving actions I have ever personally been connected to.

Friday was a nice kick-back day to hang out with old friends.  Deneen, Phil, Mike, Sam, and I spent virtually most of the day talking, catching up, telling stories, etc.  We spent a couple of hours on the dock at the old house on Galveston Bay enjoying the breeze, sunshine, and Shiner Bock.  Dave, Kev & Deneen’s good friend from Boeing, joined us after work.  He was the one responsible for organizing the Todville house clean-up after Ike.  More conversation late into the evening.  

Sat we were a little more motivated, helping build a platform for an antique bed that Deneen had from her great-grandparents.  We told Deneen that in honor of Kevin, the load limit of the bed was exactly one person.  We had a fun Japanese dinner Sat night with a large group that included Kev’s parents.  I forced everyone to watch the Texas-Texas Tech football game and then we talked into the wee hrs of the morning.  These days & nights were filled with great memories and I really felt like Kevin’s spirit was with us and we were doing exactly what he wanted us to be doing to honor him.  Sunday we had a nice relaxing breakfast at a local eatery.  We spent a good deal of Sunday making our respective cases why Kelden should attend college in CO vs CA. Mike, Sam, and I then left for the airport.

From the Memorial Service, below are some of memories/tributes/stories folks had to share about Kev:

Carter's lyrics to "Knockin" on Heaven's Door"-

Knocking on Kevin’s Door

G D Am7

G D C 

Husband, Son and Dad

Passed on way too soon

Left us here on earth

Reaching for the moon

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Those that knew were blessed to be

Friend, lover and family

A life well lived, it surely was

An inspiration and a legacy 

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

We’re all here and soon we’ll go

Of all among us, only Kevin knows

Passing on to eternity

To our Father, the glory be

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Knock, knock, knockin' on heaven's door

Chase Shaw (LYC youth sailor) -

Hello. My name is Chase Shaw and I am a current Jr. Flag Officer here at Lakewood Yacht Club. I am here on behalf of the other Jr. Flag and the Lakewood Seahorses to speak about the Pehr family and their enormous contributions to youth sailing. 

Kelden and Nick have been active participants in the youth sailing program for many years and have competed at both the state and national level. Kelden is our current Jr. Flag Vice Commodore and Nick is our current Jr. Flag Rear Commodore and both hold these offices with great honor. Kelden and Nick are always there to support the other sailors especially our younger sailors. 

Ms. Pehr is an essential part of the youth sailing program here at Lakewood. She has been co-chairman of the Seahorse Camp the last two years, provided the scoring at multiple regattas, and is currently on the Seahorse Youth Committee where she is providing great guidance for the future of our program. Ms. Pehr is always there and always willing to help; even when Mr. Pehr was ill, she actively participated when she could. 

  Mr. Pehr will be remembered by all of us for his great love of the outdoors, knowledge, and enthusiasm. The Lakewood sailing program is blessed to have had him share his many talents with us and for passing them on to his kids. Mr. Pehr was always there with his van and tools when work needed to be done.  Mr. Pehr provided both onshore and on the water regatta support, was the photographer for many events, and was a presence at many of our races. Nick, always ready with tools and knowledge, showed us that he would carry on his Dad's tradition and was the "fix it guy" for boats during camp and the summer program. Kelden inherited her Dad's talents as well and was our camp "techie" and photographer this summer setting up our first ever Seahorse Camp Blog . But Mr. Pehr's greatest joy was watching his children, all his children sail. Even this past summer, when he was very ill, Ms. Pehr was calling in race results to him so that he could cheer his kids on from his bed. I and the other Jr. Flag, Madeline McAndrew, Eric Goethe, and Brad Shaw would like to dedicate a brick in memory of Mr. Kevin Pehr and his support of youth sailing. This brick will be a reminder to all of Mr. Pehr's continual love of sailing. Thank you  

Phil Girard (college friend) -

"I am neither eloquent or wise, But I would like to remember Kevin to you.

 

Kevin and I met a score and seven years ago, as freshman at CU in Boulder, Colorado.  He was my friend.

 

Kevin was a man of action: skier, rock climber, mechanic, carpenter, sailor, rover and ranger.

 

He was a man of letters: philosopher, inventor, designer, musician and songwriter.

 

He was a family man.  Kevin often told me his relationship with Deneen was lopsided - and that the benefit was entirely his own.  He admired Deneen tremendously.  And on a few occasions he shared with me how moving it was for him to see Kelden and Nick grow up.

 

I enjoyed many happy times with Kevin through the years.  But, the happiest were those spent with him and his family.

 

Kevin enjoyed all these things: work, play and rest; loving and being loved.

 

And I believe that there is nothing better: than a man should rejoice in his own work.  This is our only portion.

 

Even as Kevin lost the ability to do the things he loved, he never stopped living, never stopped enjoying life.

 

Because the sun also rises, the sun goeth down.  But one thing, at least, remains: love.

 

Although my life has dimmed with his passing, it is still brighter for having known and loved him.

 

To Kevin then!  A grateful, warm adieu.

We, with much-indebted tear, shall all remember you."

Fern Quinonez-

There are 3 types of people:

- Those who make it “happen”!  - Those who “watch it happen”!  & - Those who say “what happened”!

 Kevin is one who “made it happen”… Through his personnel strength, solid character, his passion for the out doors & his love for Deneen, his family and friends.

 When I first met Kevin it wasn’t at work… I’ve seen him on the docks at Seabrook Marina... Where his boat was dock… it was later that we both realized we worked at Boeing… in fact the same organization. 

 Many people don’t know this…

He was instrumental in the selection of my sail vessel, named “Bold Spirit”.  It’s his passion, his “Bold Sprit” to help out, were ever he could.  He provided me with sailing guidance, boating insight… whether we exchanged magazine or books that he recommended… to me, he’s a true blessing.

One Saturday afternoon… while sailing about ½ a mile from his back yard… I called him, just to say hello and if he could see us on the bay…  He said, Oh yeah!  Wait there, he hung up the phone… next thing I know, he’s aggressively canoeing toward my sail boat.  With passion, the determination and a “Bold Spirit”.  What’s this I thought… I’m being boat jacked… by pirate Kevin… in a canoe???  Anyway we rigged up a bridle for the canoe, went sailing for a couple of hours, enjoying his visit that afternoon…  It was later as he was disembarking that I found out he didn’t tell anyone… just that the canoe was missing… I’m sure Deneen can tell the other half of that story… The fact is that’s Kevin’s “Bold Spirit”.

*

Kevin our colleague, our friend… seemed to have the gift of calmness; in most everything he did… an easy personal disposition, so likable… apparently that’s why we are all here!

Not much seemed to get him too excited… I recall several years ago we worked on a HOT project… we were tasked to design, manufacture and delivered a Multi-layer Insulation = MLI (A space rated blanket for a BMRRM = Bearing, Motor and Roll-Ring mechanism – a barrel looking canister for the Space Station).  It was a 30 day project from start to finish…aggressive by all accounts, yet he kept his cool.

We worked long hours and extended work weeks… One early Saturday morning while still dark, I was driving North bound on Red Bluff (a three lane road, going one way)… I experienced a driver coming the opposite way on wrong side of the road… fortunately; I was on the center lane as we both passed each other at a high rate of speed… The fact is I was really shaken up…  As I reached the Houston Product Support Center, Kevin had just arrived perhaps seconds / minutes prior to me… my heart was still pounding… It was then that I realized that Kevin was the vehicle way ahead of me (everyone remembers that old white van… It can haul anything including 15 oak drafting desks on top)… anyway apparently he too had just experience the same thing… Who would have know that… Since he was so calm… Not surprising! As in everything is all good.

Kevin, thank you for all your friendship & support, I know you’re smiling with upon us we’re celebrating your life and your “Bold Spirit”… God be with you. 

Bob Clark (Boeing Technical fellow)- 

Kevin Pehr, where do I begin?  Well…I wish I would have got to known him better, I wish I could have shared some of his adventures with him, I wish he was still here…I miss him! 

You hear people say someone is well rounded…Kevin was so rounded, I think he was a perfect sphere.  Every time we got together to chat, I learned something else he did that amazed me. 

Intuitive engineer, a family man, a sailor, tuff as nails, good friend, truly compassionate, a wood worker, a bargain hunter, a little quirky, truly unique and a role model. 

Those of you that got to work with Kevin know what I mean about an intuitive engineer.  And those of you that have worked with me know that I can get a little carried away with analysis.  Kevin and I were working an issue with the airlock hatch.  I had built one of my over the top complicated numerical model.  I would show him the results, he would study them for a bit and then explain to me how they did not look right.  Did not look right?  How could they not be right?  I built this cool solid model, I could animate the operation of the complicated mechanism…it was even in color.  I would then review my model and sure enough…find something wrong.  

Often Kev would stop by just to visit.  I enjoyed his company so much that no matter how busy I was, I found time to talk to him.  Often these stories involved his family and it was clear how much he cared and loved them all…and often they involved pets.  Taking long family driving trips in a not so large vehicle with a very large dog.  Hunting for lost pets long after the rest of the family gave up the hunt.  One time during one of our visits he mentioned a pet problem that occurred the night before…he explained that the other day he walk up to his desk and his lunch bag was moving, we had been having a rodent problem at the office and the little guy had hopped in Kev’s lunch bag for a snack.  Kevin quickly closed the sack and captured the little mouse.  He took it home as a new pet, unfortunately the mouse did not care to be a pet and got loose in their house. 

Did I mention tuff as nails.  One time Kevin stopped by for one of his visits.  I mentioned I had not seen him for awhile and asked if he was OK…he casually said that he had a few medical issues taken care of, including a new hip!  He was gone no more than a week or two.   I like the time he had a rib removed for a procedure and attempted to talk the surgeon into letting him keep the rib…he thought it would look cool on his mantel.  A year or so ago I had to have double hernia surgery, Kevin stopped by to give me advice, we all know what a veteran he was.  Later I found out he was going to have some kidney stones removed, finally something I could help him with, I’d been through this.  I explained the pain…the agony…the uncomfortable feeling.  He seemed prepared.  A few days later he was back at work, he stopped by my desk and mentioned that it was really no big deal.  That is when I realized just how much he had been through and how tuff he really was. 

Bargain hunter…I loved his school district auction stories.  Thinking he was buy one thing and then ending up with so much more.  One time he saw an old oak teacher school desk.  He thought the wood could be used to make some cool stuff.  So he got it for about $20, if I remember right.  Well it turned out that he did not get one desk, he got something like 20 of them.  So he made several trips getting as many desk home as possible.  He would stuff a couple inside his old ¾ ton van and tie a couple on top…I wish I could have seen that sight. 

Adventurer…outdoorsman, skier, sailor, rock climber, the climbs Kevin accomplished are incredible.  We often shared stories of things that went wrong, those painful experiences when you are suppose to be having fun.  I remember him telling me about climbing in this really tight spot.  It so narrow he could not turn his head.  For some reason he bumped the front of his head, his natural reaction was to jerk his head back, he then bumped the back of his head, then jerking and bumping the front…you see what is happening, he was stuck in a do loop.  I remember him acting the event out, it looked pretty funny.  Earlier this spring I had a freak bike accident.  I was about 20 miles from home on 517 when I suddenly heard a loud pop.  I looked up to see the top half of a tree falling…on me!  I turned sharply to avoid being hit by the base and ended up under the small branches…in the middle of 517.  I was very lucky and ended up with mostly bruises and a fairly bad cut on my nose.  After I stopped the bleeding and continued with my ride, one of the first things I thought of was that Kevin will love this story!  I relayed it to Deneen and as I understand he enjoyed it thoroughly. 

And lastly…Kevin is a role model.  And it is not just because of the way he approached his health issues.  Of course he did tackle them with superhuman strength and optimism that was second to none.  But this was just one of his multiple layers.  Some folks focus their energy at a single point…maybe a hobby or their carrier.  Not Kevin.  Kevin focused his life on life itself.  He volunteered to help young folks build robots and sail boats.  I think he participated in about every possible outdoor activity.  He was an outstanding engineer.  He was a true family man and a great friend.  I can’t wait to see him again to share more fun stories.

Chris Hansen (NASA ISS Chief Engineer) 

I have the great honor tonight of presenting Kevin’s family with a special memorial on behalf of the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. Many of you know me, but for those who don’t, my name is Chris Hansen and I’m the Chief Engineer for the International Space Station Program. I’ve had the pleasure of working with Kevin and Deneen since they came to Houston so it’s an honor for me to be here with their friends and family tonight. It’s also an honor for me to be able to represent NASA on this night where we’ve come together to celebrate Kevin’s life. 

Before I make the presentation, I’d like to spend a few minutes putting some context to what NASA represents to those of us who are part of this family. Many of you here work for or with NASA, so you understand what I mean when I refer to the NASA “family.” There is something that ties all of us together in a very real and tangible way. We share an absolute, unbreakable passion for the exploration of space. That passion demands a lot from us, and our families. This business is very difficult. It often pulls us away from the ones we love. It’s dangerous. When we make mistakes, people die. When we do things well, people’s lives are still at risk. We’re held to an impossible standard of success by others, and we hold ourselves to an even higher standard. It’s stressful. It’s demanding. So why do we do this? We do this because we all share a belief that what we do is important! It is in human nature to explore, but how many of us truly have the opportunity to go somewhere no one has ever been before? That’s what we do. We are the lucky ones, but it requires a great sacrifice from all of us who participate, including our families. That shared goal brings us together in a way that is so powerful, we can accomplish the unimaginable. But only because we are a strong family. Again, why do we do this? Why is it important? I remember, as a new engineer, sitting in an auditorium one day listening to a group of NASA leaders talking about why what we do is so important, and I heard it put in a way that was very powerful to me personally. It went something like this:  

In 1000 years from now, when historians are writing a history of the world, and our generation gets a single paragraph, what’s going to be in it? Do you think they’ll write about war in Iraq? Terrorism? Economic crises? Presidential politics? Those things are important, but I don’t think they’ll make that paragraph. What I think they’ll write about, is that our generation was the first to break the bonds of this Earth, and leave the planet for the first time. We are here together because we want to be what they write about 1000 years from now. That is worth the risks we take. 

The public is aware of the very real risks our astronauts take. They are the visible symbols of both the risks and the rewards of our passionate pursuit. We hold parades for them when they return safely. We feel a great loss, as a society when they don’t. We remember their names. 

Ed White   Gus Grissom   Roger Chaffee  Dick Scobee  Michael Smith  Judith Resnik  Ron Mcnair  Christa McAuliffe  Ellison Onizuka  Gregory Jarvis  David Brown, Rick Husband  Willie McCool  Michael Anderson  David Brown  Kalpana Chawla, Laurel Clark  Ilan Ramon 

We remember them, we honor them, because they are our heroes, and we need our heroes. But there are many heroes in this business. And WE remember them. WE understand the sacrifices they make in a way the public cannot. But WE will never forget. Kevin was a hero in so many ways. As you read about his long battle with cancer, you can’t walk away unmoved, even staggered, by what he endured. But his fight is not what made him a hero. The fact was that despite of his personal pain he continued to be an explorer, an extraordinary engineer, a friend, a husband, a father. And he did it with a spirit that was infectious and alive. THAT is why he was a hero and WE will never forget HIS name. He embodies the spirit of exploration that we hold to fiercely. 

Deneen, Nick, Kelden…we share your loss and grief deeply. We have lost one of our own as well. But the value of our pursuit demands that we go on. The greatest honor we give to the one’s we have lost is to go on, even stronger in our resolve to push the boundaries of our existence. We stand on the shoulders of giants that blazed a path before us, into orbit, on to the moon. Now we will go forward on Kevin’s shoulders and remember what we learned from him. To be technically strong, to love our jobs, to be dedicated to the task before us, to be good friends, to love life while we have it, and to be good parents to our children. 

On October 6^th, 2008, we flew an American Flag over the Mission Control Center at the Johnson Space Center in honor of Kevin’s life. Deneen, I now give it to you and your family, to keep forever as a symbol of NASA’s deepest pride in the service that Kevin gave to us and gave to his country. Thank you for giving us so much of his time in life, for we, as part of a family ourselves know how precious this is. With it also we make a promise to you that we will never forget his name. He is our hero, and WE will never forget.